labuznik

Women’s voices are silenced, dismissed, discounted, questioned, and not believed.  Our contributions to history and accomplishments are erased.  We are often the exception to the rule, and almost never the majority.  It’s no wonder that to be heard, we feel we need to shout at the top of our lungs.  If you want a great example of the endless expectations of women, watch the monologue America Ferrera delivers in the Barbie movie because it is so spot on!

Recently, two different exchanges with two different people taught me (what I consider to be) an important lesson.

We all have issues that are significant to us. Typically, we are eager to discuss these themes with anyone willing to listen. We are quite happy to stand at the top of our mountain and shout why these topics matter to us. We share this on social media, chat with family and friends, or with our significant others.

Depending on the subject and the person we are speaking with, we can often experience resistance, rejection, or confrontation. In some cases, our message can fall on deaf ears. Sometimes, people don’t want to hear about what we find important, especially if they have heard it from us before or if they feel that we are (even indirectly) pointing a finger at them. 

Instead of wasting our time, energy, and effort speaking to those who aren’t going to hear our message, we need to learn to read the room and redirect our energies toward the people who will listen and care about the things we find important, rather than those who won’t.  I believe it would be less frustrating if we (women) connected with those who are compassionate, understanding, and willing to listen, and not waste our time on those who refuse to hear or resist our voice.  Sometimes, the answer isn’t to speak louder, but to reserve our voice for those who are willing to listen. 

Social media has given everyone a platform, or at the very least the illusion of one.  We think other people care about what we have to say, when in reality, few people care.  I’m sorry to say that posting your grievances and anger on social media does nothing.  It took me a while to learn this lesson.  It may make you feel better, or that you are making a difference, but at best, you are preaching to the choir, and at worst, you strike up a nasty back-and-forth that isn’t going to change anyone’s mind.  Of course, you can post whatever you want, but angry posts, particularly political or world issue posts, aren’t bumping the needle at all.  I don’t know about you, but I’d rather channel my energies into making a difference, even if that difference is small.  Save your rants for like-minded people.  Feel safe and secure discussing your fears and anger in a safe space with trusted individuals.  You’ll feel better walking away from time with friends with whom you genuinely connect and empathize, instead of getting frustrated trying to make a brick wall care about you and what you find important.

Women: surround yourself with people who make you a priority.  If anyone in your life doesn’t believe everyone should have basic fundamental rights, body autonomy, healthcare, safety, security, compassion,  fairness, safe drinking water, food, shelter, fair compensation for labor, and so on, regardless of sex, color, race, sexual preference, religion, or marital status, then you might want to find new folks to hang with (yes, this includes family!!!).  Because believe me, they want all of those things for themself/themselves, but not for others?!?  That should tell you something.  If that same person or people don’t value what you have to say, chances are, they don’t value you.  And you deserve better!  Perhaps, due to your family imprint or past encoding, you may not believe you deserve better, but you do.  We all do!  We all deserve to be listened to and understood.  We all deserve to be supported.  We all deserve compassion, kindness, and love.  You ARE worthy!  

Do not waste your precious time, energy, and voice on those who cannot hear you.  For whatever reason (don’t waste your time wondering why either), they are unwilling, unable, and incapable of hearing you.  Don’t argue that they SHOULD listen to you.  Accept the “what is”.  Accept them for who they are, as is.  Do not long for them to change.  Free yourself from the rat wheel.  Simply find new people!  This may include choosing a new family if the one you have is not fulfilling your needs.  The world is full of wonderful, caring, compassionate, and understanding people.  It’s okay to walk away from unhealthy people.  Anyone in your inner circle who is not listening to you is harmful for you!  Unless they are actually deaf (in this case, chat {loudly} about getting them a hearing aid), they don’t care about what you have to say.  This is destructive, manipulative, hurtful, and abusive.  

Find

New

People!